a chaser of rainbows,

This year when I started my new journal, I wrote this:

I always hesitate when I start writing in a new journal. Its as if these pages could magically become the hope I want to find in the new. Almost as if I was starting afresh...

A long time ago,  a friend of mine and I talked about how we were both chasers of rainbows. I had found a picture of a girl chasing a rainbow and had shown it to her. I still see myself as chasing rainbows. I've always for the longest time, been after something I couldn't quite grasp. I didn't know what it was really, or if it was something tangible or just something I imagined. Now I see that I long to have a firm hold on what it means to truly Love. 

This last year, I saw myself growing weary and losing the Hope that I'd catch it. I was always straining my hands to its wonderful colorful rays and never quite touched them. Somehow, I know that even never reaching it, I need to continue pursuing it. I think it's what gets me up in the morning and what allows me to persevere. 

I feel like this year is going to bring several things that are going to take me aback.. in a way that I could never see for myself. I await expectantly, and with Hope that never seems to abandon me, even when everything is falling around me.

I think I'm ready.

Nothing much has changed since January, but things came up that really suprised me. I am glad that they did. Because, I think, they have allowed me to grow. I think that I want this to keep happening, and I want to keep chasing.