after afterall...

Today was a crazy-eyed day (because I was staring into a microscope and by the time I was done I went a little insane.) I went to school and stayed at the microscope lab from 9 am until 2 pm. Insane, right? Well, I'm putting so much effort into these next tests, because I want to know I did all I could to do well on them.

I'm really not sure what I want. Life is confusing at the moment. The other day I broke down because I was so stressed with school and work expectations. There's always something going on and I don't give myself time to think things through. Before I know it, a pile of junk has been piling up inside of me and one little thing it all bursts into pieces. Crying for me is like a cleansing water that goes through my body and takes whatever residue of stress and pain I was keeping in. I've always been good at expressing myself, but not in sharing myself. Do you understand the difference?

I really miss someone, and I've been telling myself that it doesn't matter that I don't talk to him and I don't hear from him. It really does a little. At least a little, it's like a little piece of your heart is taken everytime you decide to love someone. I feel I have no more pieces to give, because there have been so many people in my life that I've given a piece to. Most of them end up leaving, and in a sense that piece leaves too. It really does matter, even though time seems to make absence a little less painful and not as difficult as it was in the beginning.

So I miss you, yes, YOU. I miss the space you have in my life, when I used to be a part of yours. There's not a day that goes by that I don't think of YOU at least once. I pray for YOU. I try my best to be a friend even being far away. I hope to someday see YOU again. I want YOU to know that YOU have changed my life.


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