my life would suck without you
“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.” C. Lewis
Gary Chapman wrote about the four love languages, if I'm not mistaken. I actually think there might be more, but I only remember what mine are. First and foremost, it's affirmation. Thinking about my highschool days, I mostly seeked it from my closest friends. As long as they affirmed their love for me, I didn't care about what everyone else thought.
There's a quote I found a long time ago that still sticks in my mind, "People don't care how much you know, unless they know how much you care."I think it's been my failing ever since I found this about myself, in particular. Seems that everytime I started to care too much, I could feel the people I cared about slowly slipping away.
So now I have this difficulty, it's my Achille's foot, you could say. Either I care too much or I don't care at all. It's hard to find the balance, because either way you're bound to get hurt. I've been working on this area in my life, because it's the area that brings me so much joy and at the same time, sorrow. I love getting to know people, but I keep them at arm's length, because I have a tendency to see the beauty in people and then am bound to care way too much.
It's not that I am afraid of getting hurt, but I know how much I put on myself. I'm my worst judge, and most of the time I put the weight on myself, rather than acknowledging that it might be the person's fault as well.
I, however, do not want to become an impenetrable being. Because I know that is not the way to live, you need to be open to people. They allow you to view yourself in a way, that you can never do so by looking in the mirror. They either help you become a better person or not. In the end, it's your decision to do let them impact you. But I understand that when you open yourself to people, it can be one of the most beautiful things in the world. Because, that's when you realize that we're not so different after all. Now are we?