happiness in the heart of the joyful

I don't think we know what happiness really means. I was thinking about that today as I went on a walk around my neighboorhood in search of a bank. I remember distinctly when I got my acceptance letter from Moody. I had heard from my friends that if the envelope was small, it meant that I had been rejected. So, when my dad handed me this letter, my heart fell as I saw the size of the envelope. I looked at my dad in fright, but he seemed to know something I didn't and urged me to open it anyway, even though I told him I knew I had been rejected. To my delight, I found out that I had been, in fact, accepted. My heart lept and I had the sudden impulse to scream my lungs out in excitement. After these feelings abated, I had no idea what I expected of all of this. I knew that this letter had been a determining factor in what I was going to do after I graudated from highschool, but still, I didn't know what it was.
For me, that moment was pure bliss. In a year, I would find out that happiness, as I understood it, didn't lie there. Not that I left because I was unhappy, I just knew that I wasn't supposed to be there. Does that mean that my moment of happiness wasn't actually happiness? I don't think so. I truly felt a joy that I have rarely felt since. At least, not something akeen to bliss. I conclude, that  I was happy because I hadn't failed. See, I had proved to myself and the people around me that I was capable of doing something greater than myself. For the first time, during that time, I hadn't failed at something. Failure brings us down, and it takes a while to recover. I should know, I have often failed mostly at relationships and have often felt like I've failed myself. Yet, I know, that happiness doesn't lie in success. However, at that moment, I knew that for a split moment, it brought me that momentary happiness.
I know that I will never feel that way for long periods of time, but I know that I've learned that joy not happiness should be my pursuit. Joy in the things that I do, in life, in good friends, in the things I believe and strive for. Therein lies a key to a successful life. Even in times of great pain, always find joy. It's always hidden somewhere, and in the last place you would look for it.


  1. Dear,i liked this post!
    Happiness is something totally weird actually nobody understand it well.But i think that we have to keep inside us good feelings,and these feelings will bring us some kind of hapiness.
    I understood when you wrote about the university,i felt the same.I thought i could prove that i can do that!But now, i see that i don't have to prove anything for anyone.Just for myself.It's weid.
    But everyday i search for hapiness anyway.And i'll no get enough.
    I love you.


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