the sun burns, so I'll jump right in, I felt the cold sea kiss my skin

this afternoon, not wanting to go home, I just immersed myself here, not letting myself think. now the library is starting to close, I look to my left, and I see that the sky has cleared and the sun decided to poke its face out.
there's a quote by Clarice Lispector that goes something like this, "In the extremity of myself, there I am. I, the imploring one, I, the needy one, the one that asks, the one that cries, and the one who pities herself. But the one who sings." (I translated from Portuguese)
This day I felt all sorts of emotions, I, who value myself as a stable person, can sometimes go through a rollercoaster of feelings. Imploring, nedding, crying, pitying and in the end I end up singing, in the middle of a darkened street, rain about to pour, and I sing. Because in the end, something turns it all around. Just as moments pass, hours, days, weeks, years - they all pass - and so do feelings. That's why I'm a little wary of the word: happiness. That too passes. What remains? That's what matters: peace.
I have experienced very little of happiness this year, I must be honest. When I was the best with myself, they were the moments were I experienced moments of complete, blissful peace. That thing that makes your step lighter and your smile easier in spreading across your face.
I'm not sure how this year will come to an end, as it ends, and how this new one will begin. I had such great expectations, I knew it was going to be hard and that things were going to happen that I would be suprised by. Those happened as well. Maybe when I have more time, I'll write about it or maybe I won't. Somethings are so personal, that even writing about them seems to betray something inside.

"The sun it burns, so I jumped right in
I felt the cold sea kiss my skin
I turned around and you were gone,
And I'm thinking of you."

Angus and Julia Stone.


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