go back, a few months ago,

We decided to finish English class earlier today, heading to the "International" kitchen and cooking some brigadeiros, a desert, made of chocolate and condensed milk. I could feel the oil in my hair, letting me know, that I had gotten up too late that morning, and hadn't been able to wash my hair before heading to work. I watched the students happily, as they all gathered around the oven, setting up the ingredients and the pan was set out on top of the stove. I was distracted, thinking of my plans to go to Chile in the beginning of the year, and as always, conversation naturally flowed between us.
Miriam was thoughtful, as she always seemed to be. She told me she had read Ecclesisates, the first thing that popped into my mind was, "everything is vanity," and I smiled, asking what she thought. Her eyebrows furrowed together, she smiled easily and said that everything was "so true."
We started talking, about varied subjects, seemed like we wanted to spill to each other everything. I guess we saw in each other the kindred spirits we had been looking for. As I told her about how being here in Maringá had been very hard, I mentioned that even so, I knew I was supposed to be there. As I said this, I felt the irony of the situation, I mean, how often do you get the chance to connect with someone and realize that, maybe, of all the reasons you can think of, that might be just a reason you were there at that moment.
See, we're both lost souls. I think she is a bit more lost than I am, and she's searching, I have found where my life lies, but she is yet to find out.
I thought about that as I walked back home, already thinking of the many things I had to do before going to church that night.
I got home, took a shower, and immediately felt a thousand times better than I had when I arrived home.
In two hours, I was out the door, waiting at the bus stop, the sun was beginning to set. The light around the sun was completely white, and I watched to see if the colors would change. I got distracted by twitter, seems like each month I get addicted for a bit to some new application and then discard it. My itouch caught the neighbors wifi, so I read and browsed as I sneaked glances at the sky, and the buildings in the distance. After a few seconds, I got tired and sat down on the sidewalk. This time I gazed fully at the sky and let my thoughts wander. The bus took a long time to come, and I engaged in a conversation with a lady, who was also sitting beside me.
After half an hour, the bus approached, and my stomach started to do turns. I don't know why, but going to churches is harder for me than going to a bar or even a shady part of town.
I got off the bus, after a few stops, and started to look around to see if I could localize where I was at. I was soon walking in the right direction, thinking, as if my own personal mantra, "everything has a reason." My mind kept replaying the events of the day and I guess I was so nervous, I needed something to distract my mind. As I drew closer, I started to pray a bit harder, the butterflies that seemed to reside in my stomach fluttered and I took a deep breath. Then, unexpectedly, there it was, the church, and it was closed. I couldn't believe it, I looked around, but there was nothing going on. A flood of relief covered me, I need to explain that I might have seen someone, and putting aside the fact that I was going to be a newcomer, I also had to deal with the fact that I would have to talk to him and he would see me in his own world.
I headed back, thinking it was lost trip, and decided I would walk a bit and go to the mall, walk around and go home. The thing about malls is I realize how alone I am, but I headed to McCafé (it really is good) and got a frappé, sat down on one of the booths, hidden from everyone and leafed a magazine.


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