live a life of love
Be imitations of God therefore, as dearly beloved children, and live a life of LOVE." (Ephesians 5:1)
Why am I scared to love? God clearly commanded us to - he knew of the hurt, and the rejection, but he keeps loving.. What kind of love is this? It's crazy. It would be like getting a slap in the face everytime you tried to love someone, to cherish them, and keep coming back; you're handing out your heart, and it keeps being ripped apart. Yet that's what God does everyday - he steps out of his throne, reaches down to us, and loves us. He pursues us. As a girl, that is beyond amazing. How often have I longed for a guy to pursue me in this way, but I get it everyday from Perfection itself? Lord, we are so unworthy. I am unworthy. Why did you choose me?
Love. I wonder if this is the message, the type of life that I should live? Every emotion flows from love: happiness, sadness, sorrow.. God is love. What would it look like to love without restrictions? Without the fear of being rejected? To love, and keep loving even when the other person doesn't respond. It's too scary to even grasp.
"Would it be better not to love?
To break away for good?
To take the greatest of leaps...
Toward you, alright, toward you,
but away, finally, away from here."
(Juliet, András Visky)
I am terrified that that's what You have called me to do. Love. I finally know what it means...
"The Lord seeked me out again, after a few days. Trembling I heard him say, "Go back to your wife again, though she is loved by another and is an adultress. Love her as I love my people, the Israelites, though they turn to other gods made by their own hands."
I wasn't sure why, but I did as the Lord said. I took some silver and went to my wife. I approached her at the house she was currently living, with another man. She came out of the house, with a proud tilt to her chin. She did not seem at all to feel guilty for leaving my home; she almost seemed to be mocking me as she waited for me. I offered her the money and asked her to come home. She took it eagerly and stepped out to follow me. I then said to her, "You are to live with me many days; you must not go back to being a prostitute and be intimate with any other man. I will also be living with you." She nodded faintly and followed me home. This women had brought me grief and sorrow, but somehow after all she had done, I still loved her. I had obeyed the Lord, out of fear and love for Him, but I had also seen what he meant to teach me through my wife. If it was not for the Lord, I would not have been able to keep coming back. Yet this was not the first time I came back to get her, and it wouldn't be the last." (Paraphrase: Hosea 1)